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Last weekend started off pretty average. I had a massive hangover despite how much I don’t want to drink alcohol any more. Go figure. It was an average night in the end, and I paid the price for it on Saturday.

Come Sunday though, the boys and I got together early in the morning and drove up to our local downhill track – Fox Creek. Fox Creek has multiple downhill trails, that you can “shuttle” with a car and a trailer. While I love my fitness, pushing a downhill bike up a hill is just too hard, and leaves you with no energy to barrel down it again.

We got around 12 runs in, and I had an absolute ball. While I’m well and truly rusty at doing jumps and drops at speed, it didn’t matter. I did what I felt comfortable doing (and from time to time what I wasn’t comfortable doing) and got such a rush all I wanted to do was hit it again and again!

About 3/4 through the day we took a break and I had time to think – “This is what I want from life!”. Every day we do such mundane tasks to pass the time, but getting a solid dose of adrenaline just removes all of the negativity in our life. Doing things that make us feel alive is what helps us to break the mold. I personally want to go to the grave knowing that I have truly enjoyed my time on earth. I’m not saying that it has to be to the “extreme”, but just doing things that you genuinely enjoy.

Everyone has their own hobbies that give them something. For me, riding makes me feel alive, and gives me a sense of freedom. Freedom is so important to me. When I’m barelling down a hill, I can choose my lines, hit one of the three jumps, and so on – freedom in a sense. Whatever you need from life – just do it.

For me, I live to ride, and ride to live.

I’ve been watching a lot of The Sopranos lately. I love the show, and to be honest I don’t know why. The life that they are leading is one that would just never interest me. For those that don’t watch the show, it follows the life of a mob boss, and everything that goes on around him in his day to day life. Long work days, carrying the pain of killing people (often loved ones), and stress about work and the consequences of his exploits (being arrested or killed). His family has every possession they could want, yet so many problems as a result.

Walking to the bus interchange today I noticed that someone had spray painted “Life?” on the path. It wasn’t like the usual graffiti that I see around there. This was written more like one of those “No Milk” or “Go Vegan” tags, which aims to make people think. It made me think for sure. I don’t know what it was meant to mean but to me it seems as though it’s asking me, as I walk to the interchange to catch a bus to work. Is this life? Am I living? Or am I merely just “getting by”? Doing what everyone else does and calling it life..?

It also reminded me of a radio show called “Hack” that I was listening to a few weeks back. On this particular show they were talking about death and all things death. One of the people they spoke to was a freestyle motocross rider who “flirts with death” for a living. When asked about life, he says that a lot of people are nowadays just living and working 9 till 5, and he’s more scared of that than dying. For him it’s all about feeling life and “being alive”.

Incidentally this morning as I was thinking about all of this, I played a song called Entertainment by Rise Against. The line that struck me was “We’ve all made petty fortunes but we can’t afford a life”, and I really think it rings true in a lot of people’s lives. Why do so many of us earn decent wages, but never seem to have enough to really enjoy life? I’ve spoken about it before – working to live or living to work. For most it’s a very fine line, unable to shake the expectations of friends, family, colleagues and so forth. For others it’s easy to just leave the life that is expected of them, in order to live the life that they will enjoy.

After just having four days away from work over Easter, I’ve had a good break to catch up with my fiancee. Yesterday we just laid on a rug and lied in the sun for an hour or so, just talking about everything and enjoying the outdoors together. That, to me is living. I’ve realised that in order to enjoy life I only need a handful of things, very few of which have anything to do with money. Today I’m in an office surrounded by people still trying to get a big enough hit of coffee to wake themselves up at lunch time.

This ain’t living.