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Misinterpretation is hilarious at times. Yet an absolute prick at other times.

I tend to disregard a lot of things that people say. To me it’s my way of dealing with things, but to others they really take offense.

Take for instance my views on the world. In the past I’ve written about how I don’t really care too much about being cut off by a car while I’m riding my bike (so long as I’m not getting hit). I’m able to brush it off and turn it around on the driver – they are so caught up in their lives that they don’t have time to care about a human life. I see that as a really positive thing – rather than get agitated by it and let it consume my life, I’ve learned to laugh at them and their life.

I can see how it could be interpreted in a number of different ways. It could be arrogant, a bit sympathetic, or pity. Many people see me as a jerk, just out to belittle people, but in all honesty, I’m only trying to justify my life.

I feel so damn alone sometimes in my views and beliefs. Not that I mind – I’m a fairly solitary person being an introvert and all, but sometimes you just want to be able to talk with people and not have to have an opposing view. This is what has made my form my views on life, and helps me to interpret what others do or say. I guess with a lot of negativity in my life as I was growing up, it’s been a sink or swim situation. I went through the troubled little ratbag stage, and came out of it realising that if I didn’t look on the bright side of life I’d probably just end up wearing a black trench-coat listening to The Smashing Pumpkins. I very rarely misinterpret comments and turn them into a negative comment, attacking myself. I always look for positives before taking offense.

Misinterpretation of comments or words can completely change the meaning of a comment or a conversation. The medium by which the communication takes place complicates this issue even further. In person, things like tone or body language can help each party to interpret what the other party is saying. Via text or the internet we don’t have this luxury. It’s all up to the writer to be obvious and the reader to really think about it – often an impossible task.

It’s an interesting one – how does one effectively communicate to a point where there is no scope for misinterpretation? Maybe I’ll read up on that too…

I was lucky enough to have the services of a life coach offered to me over the past six months or so. I was skeptical at first as I was under the impression that it would be more like going to a psychiatrist which I’m not particularly interested in, however the offer came highly recommended and I wasn’t paying for it. Worst case scenario I would cancel the sessions after a while.

In the end though, I can confidently say that it was well worth my time. I have a clearer vision of my future both on an employment level and throughout the rest of my life. One thing that became an obvious “want” of mine, is to learn how to communicate effectively with others.

At this point I should be clear – I believe I am a good communicator. My outgoing communication is good – I have no reservations with telling people my feelings or what I think, but rather I find it frustrating when I talk to someone who doesn’t communicate well. When I began the coaching I was under the impression that if someone I was talking to was unable to articulate their feelings, it was a situation where”they can’t communicate, they need to change”. Things aren’t always as they seem.

In my personal situation, a few people close to me often tell me a lot of facts about their day to day life, but nothing of meaning and value. I can hear about what happened at work for an hour (being busy, what new policies there are and so on), but not how tired they are from being busy, or how the new policies affect them (disappointment, frustration, etc). While the facts have their place, their place isn’t here. When talking to someone you care about, you want to know how they feel and how life is going for them, not about all of the facts surrounding their life.

With effective communication skills, you can encourage the most introverted person to open up and tell you meaningful information about their life.

My own steps to effective verbal communication are as follows:

1. Remove Distractions – The easiest way to start a quality conversation. Television, radio, a computer, newspaper, etc. They will all distract you from your conversation. If the person you are talking to thinks you aren’t listening, they aren’t going to open up to you. This is easily fixed – turn the TV off, put the paper down, and so on.
2. Be Curious – Ask questions about the content of their conversation. If you are genuinely curious, the person you are talking to will begin to open up to you.
3. Clarify – By clarifying what the person is saying, they often respond with more meaning in their speech.
   • Paraphrase – Say what they told you, but in your own words.
   • Mirror – In their words, repeat what they said.
   • Clarify – By clarifying what they are saying in your own words, you will make sure that you know what they are telling you. They will most likely further clarify what they are saying too.
4. Ask Questions – Although point 1 is asking questions, this point is directly in relation to how it has affected them. It’s a direct question for meaning. “How did you feel about that?” “What was the impact on the rest of your day because of that?”

Your main objective is to drill down for meaning. Drill through the facts and the information, and find out how they are coping with life. Find out what makes them happy or sad. I was very skeptical, especially from hearing that by mirroring someone, I could get them to open up a bit more about their life. After leaving that coaching session I went straight to my desk and mirrored my work mate when he told me something about his home life, and he talked for about 5 minutes about how life was affecting him at the time. I couldn’t believe it – it worked! And I was able to put a smile on his face after it all too. I think a good vent was all that he needed.

Coaching has taught me that much more is in my control than I first thought. If I can use these communication skills to help others, my life will be happier too. Everybody wins!